The dark side

I asked for an egg and bacon baguette. What did I get? Bacon and stilton. Nothing wrong with that, except... with mayonase as well? That might have been a mistake. But then my parents mysteriously "went out" so I played a CD called "Orchestral Fireworks" at full volume.

I'll admit, it though - I've caught the bug. I've caught the stalking bug. I am now a stalker, or at least a rouge. Some kind of minion of the dark side, anyway. A storm arose out of the east and brought with it thunder and lightning. I sat with my legs dangling outside with Pandora on my lap and a cup of green tea in my hand. I watched the lightning and occasionally kissed her head.

I was anxious to get outisde properly though, so I hooded up and went for a walk. "You'll get struck by lightning", warned my Dad solemnly, but I was willing to take the risk. If a lightning bolt comes up to my then I'll twat it on the head with my a crowbar. I did a quick curcuit of the village and was on my way home when I heard voices coming from a nearby house. I briefly debated with my conscience, but really my mind was already made up. All I have to do is sneak off into this wooded area and see what I can see. The people are asking living there are asking for it not shutting their curtains. Besides, it's not like they'll see me.

I found a good spot perhced behind a tree in the shadows. Hell, I was a shadow. The question was, what could I see? A person... I think. Yes. Male. Probably my age. What was he doing? Hard to tell. Laughing? Yes, I think so. The bastard. How dare he laugh with me spying on him. Now what? Making a swinging motion with his arms. And now... looking through the window. Shit! With his hands cupped up against the glass. Haha, look all you want, you'll never see me. The first rule of stalking is that if someone is in a lit room then they can't see outside if it's dark. Except... how strong is that serachlight? How far back am I? My leg is sticking out... could he have seen that? There's sitll lightning - had a quick flash of light betrayed my position? Now there's a woman. They're talking and... fuck! They've closed the curtains! Why would they do that? These people never close their curtains... that's why I'm spying on them!

Is it possible that they could have seen me? Not likely; I'm in some shrubbery and it's dark outside. But is it possible? Yes. It is possible. Just about. That's enough for me - I have to get out, just incase. I don't want to explain to someone why I was looking into their house down the recieving end of a torch and a shotgun. Over to plan B - behind me was a field... I jumped over the fence and made my way around the side to get back to the road. Only - what was that? Voices? A twig snapping? Could they be searching the wooded area for who they think is some Pedophilic Satanist? Possibly. Not very likely at all, but... possible. Go to Plan C, then. I can't go out the way I came or they'll see me. My only option is to cut across the field admist the rain and the lightning.

It was a good night for stalking - the moon was hidden by the vicious thunder clouds - but not a good night for escaping over a field. I remembered that this place was full of sheep. Not too scary, except... some of these bastards are rams, with great big fuck off horns. I'd been through here before and they'd nearly charged me. And now here I was in the dark, and they were scared, and they're thinking that I want to rape them. And they stand between me and the exit.

It was hard to gage their shapes, but in the dim star-light I could make out a few angry white blobs. I had a plan D, though - jump back over the fence, go along the wooded area some more then jump back over again behind them. No need for things to get bloody. Did the plan work? Well... yes. But it was close for a minute there. The important thing is, did those people really see me? I can't say. Did I do something wrong? Equally debatable, but I feel the answer is probably yes. Do I care? I don't think so. Not really, anyway. My only regret is that I didn't stay for longer to see if they did actually come outside.